You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
