You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
