FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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