The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
