Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
