I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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