My hand turned me down
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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