he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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