We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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