How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
