i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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