she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
