ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
