i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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