covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
