so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
