I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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