Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
