Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
