did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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