would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
