I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
