He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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