i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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