i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
