from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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