i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
