Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize