i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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