He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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