Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
