i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
