we have pet lesbian snakes
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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