i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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