I forgot how hot balto sounded
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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