Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
