how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
