I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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