I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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