I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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