Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
