forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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