Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
