I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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