I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
