guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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