Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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