if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
