Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
