my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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