Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
