Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
