Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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