were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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