i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
