This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
