the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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