i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
