either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
