I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
