I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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