So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
