So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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