Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
