you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
