So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize