well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
