Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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