Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This baby is an asshole
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
