so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
